Mother's Day 2013

Dear Kristine,

I'm writing this to you while sitting at your childhood desk, in the home you grew up in, with all the deep familiarities that you must feel, and that at the same time are so foreign to me. And yet, because of the way our lives have unfolded and the love we share, I couldn't feel more at home.

Wherever you are, is my home. And now, for the rest of what will only seem like the blink of an eye, wherever you and I are will feel like home to Aaliyah.

Aaliyah is truly a blessed soul, in a world of unmentionable pain and suffering, to have such an angel in our midst is beyond explanation. And for her to have a mother like you, well, this is the rarest of combinations.

My only wish for my family, my truest loves in this fleeting world, Kristine and Aaliyah…

These forms we seem to be are cups floating in an ocean of living consciousness.
They fill and sink without leaving an arc of bubbles or any good-bye spray.
What we are is that ocean, too near to see, though we swim in it and drink it in.
Don't be a cup with a dry rim, or someone who rides all night and never knows the horse beneath his thighs, the surging that carries him along.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Happy Mother's Day, today and everyday.

Aaliyah, My Love

My heart caves under the weight of it all, and at the same time expands to the size of the universe, big enough to hold all of it. When I think of you, how you came to be, this is what happens in my chest.

Wisdom tells me I am nothing, love tells me I am everything. Between the two, my life flows. -Nisargadatta

This is it sweetheart. As you read these words, I am here with you

Well, a peak at life while I’m actually writing the words. I’m sitting at my desk, looking out the window at the pond, your mother is in Asheville at yoga, your Uncle Aaron is across the driveway, and Shanti is outside the door. You are taking a nap in your crib. We played outside for a bit before Mom left, then ate some scrambled eggs together, and I sang Song to Woody about five times while you fell asleep in my arms.

Your mother and I love each other very much. And this is why you are here. But we are so far from perfect. This is something you will understand more and more as your life unfolds. It is a beautiful thing to find out about yourself, to come to terms with your imperfections, and to know that you chose none of it. There is so much I don’t know how to say.

Where to even start? I have a teacher, Francis Lucille, whom I met when I was 18 years old. I first met him at a friend’s house, Vidit, you may or may not know Vidit… That’s a whole other story, an entertaining one.

Francis is what some call an enlightened person. And as far I can believe in enlightenment, I believe he is. This is sort of a touchy subject, and I hope more than anything that you and I have many late-night passion-filled discussions about it. The universe speaks directly through some people, he is one. I have many stories from my time with Francis, and many recordings of him to share with you.

Some people are like wood, and some are like stones. When close to the fire the stone burns hot, but is once again cold away from the fire. But those that are like wood, don’t last through the flames, once close to the fire nothing remains.

The fire my dear is the flame of the truth, and the wood is ignorance from which grows the tree of misery.

When you find yourself thinking of the truth, of love or the universe, always allow it to unfold. When you think of god, god is thinking of you.

Father's Day - 2013


Happy Father’s Day, whatever that means, right?

I never thought about what it really meant, but now, seeing that I too have to bear the center of attention on the third Sunday of June every year, I’ve started to wonder.

If I’m at all considered a ‘good father’, it is because of you. Whatever capacity Aaliyah has for observation, I share. Like a sponge, just soaking it all up, letting it sink deep into the subconscious. I’ve done this all my life, without ever knowing it, without any choice. And man, am I lucky it was you I was watching.

I love you like I love myself. But you know this!