Aaliyah, My Love

My heart caves under the weight of it all, and at the same time expands to the size of the universe, big enough to hold all of it. When I think of you, how you came to be, this is what happens in my chest.

Wisdom tells me I am nothing, love tells me I am everything. Between the two, my life flows. -Nisargadatta

This is it sweetheart. As you read these words, I am here with you

Well, a peak at life while I’m actually writing the words. I’m sitting at my desk, looking out the window at the pond, your mother is in Asheville at yoga, your Uncle Aaron is across the driveway, and Shanti is outside the door. You are taking a nap in your crib. We played outside for a bit before Mom left, then ate some scrambled eggs together, and I sang Song to Woody about five times while you fell asleep in my arms.

Your mother and I love each other very much. And this is why you are here. But we are so far from perfect. This is something you will understand more and more as your life unfolds. It is a beautiful thing to find out about yourself, to come to terms with your imperfections, and to know that you chose none of it. There is so much I don’t know how to say.

Where to even start? I have a teacher, Francis Lucille, whom I met when I was 18 years old. I first met him at a friend’s house, Vidit, you may or may not know Vidit… That’s a whole other story, an entertaining one.

Francis is what some call an enlightened person. And as far I can believe in enlightenment, I believe he is. This is sort of a touchy subject, and I hope more than anything that you and I have many late-night passion-filled discussions about it. The universe speaks directly through some people, he is one. I have many stories from my time with Francis, and many recordings of him to share with you.

Some people are like wood, and some are like stones. When close to the fire the stone burns hot, but is once again cold away from the fire. But those that are like wood, don’t last through the flames, once close to the fire nothing remains.

The fire my dear is the flame of the truth, and the wood is ignorance from which grows the tree of misery.

When you find yourself thinking of the truth, of love or the universe, always allow it to unfold. When you think of god, god is thinking of you.